


If I, Will You?

by ilychuuya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, Oikawa Tooru is crying, Seijoh Lost A Match, Ushijima Says It's All Okay, platonic iwaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25804369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilychuuya/pseuds/ilychuuya
Summary: Oikawa had to make a decision. Can Ushijima see him like this? Would you let your worst enemy see you at your lowest? If Oikawa had only shown his best friend this side of him, what makes Ushijima—his worst enemy ever in the history of everything—worthy to be the second person to witness Oikawa crumble?-"If I show you the real me, will you stay?"
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	If I, Will You?

Oikawa was well aware of the role he had to play. Full of energy, flashy, bold. Always camera ready, known for his dazzling smile and flawless skin. He was _The Oikawa Tooru._ The Oikawa Tooru whose favourite food was milk bread, and whose motto was “If you’re going to hit it, hit it until it breaks”. The Oikawa Tooru with the killer serve and the awesome setups. Untouchable Oikawa Tooru, the reliable, loyal and passionate captain of powerhouse school Aoba Johsai. 

Not many people have seen Oikawa at his lowest. Only one, ever. Iwaizumi Hajime. Iwa-chan was special to Oikawa. Their friendship was like no other, and their chemistry on and off the court was a force to be reckoned with. Iwa-chan has been there for Oikawa his entire life, in small but meaningful ways. Telling him to rest up, instead of rewatching their opponent’s games on repeat. Looking out for Oikawa, making sure his facade doesn’t crack, making sure he doesn’t just _snap._ He’s seen Oikawa through almost everything, but there are days that even The Great Iwa-chan falters.

Oikawa was hunched against a locker after a particularly bad practise match. Oikawa was furious, and frustrated, and disappointed. He let his entire team down. Iwa-chan, if he were here, would tell him to suck it up, he’s stronger than this, he can get through it. Iwa-chan was at home, nursing a fever. Oikawa would like to believe that that was why they lost. If Iwa-chan was here, they would’ve destroyed the other team. Oikawa would’ve loved to place the blame on anyone else, but at the end of the day it landed on him, the captain. Oikawa Tooru was the captain of a team that just lost to the team of one of its biggest rivals, Shiratorizawa Academy.

Their coach had managed to secure a practice match with Shiratorizawa Academy, the top school in the prefecture, the only school they couldn’t beat. Oikawa hated that stupid smug smile Ushijima Wakatoshi was wearing when he slammed down the final point. The stupid song Tendou Satori would sing. The look on that stupid little first year, rubbing their victory in Oikawa’s face. He was upset, it was clear as day. Still, back in the locker room he gave his team the usual pep talk, reassuring them that this was just a practice match and that they’ll do better next time. Kyoutani mumbled something about Iwaizumi’s absence, and a few of the members around him voiced their agreements. Maybe they would’ve done better with their ace there to support them with his skills and his words of encouragement. Oikawa forced a laugh—something he was good at—and told them that his team is good enough with or without Iwa-chan, and this practise match just served as an indication of what they can do to improve. Oikawa swears upon everything in him that they will do better. His team clears the locker room, with the promise that he’ll join them outside the bus soon enough.

Now Oikawa was crying. There was no point in hiding anymore, when his team had left the locker room awhile ago and he was alone. His chest hurt, along with the back of his head and the space behind his eyes. His throat felt raw. The guilt in his chest was eating him open and he didn’t know how to escape it. He spent the last seventeen years building a character many will love and envy, he dedicated his life to volleyball, putting relationships with the people around him at such a great risk, and he still can’t lead his team to win one stupid practice match? His team worked their asses off to train and hone their crafts and play at the top of their game, and he’s still not good enough?

As if the gods didn’t hate him enough, right as a particularly hard sob racked through his body, the door to the locker room creaked open. The voice of the person at the door happened to actually be the last person he wanted to hear from, ever.

“Oikawa-san.”

Oikawa had to make a decision. Can Ushijima see him like this? Would you let your worst enemy see you at your lowest? If Oikawa had only shown his best friend this side of him, what makes Ushijima—his worst enemy ever in the history of everything—worthy to be the second person to witness Oikawa crumble? The silence in the locker room was deafening. Oikawa’s mind was running so quickly, and Ushijima didn’t look like he was planning on leaving. What now?

_(If I show him the real me, will he stay?)_

_(There’s no running away now, Tooru.)_

“What the _fuck_ do you want, Ushiwaka?” Oikawa spoke shakily, tears of frustration streaming down his face. “Why are you here? Don’t you have a post-game _celebration_ to go to?” His voice nearly broke at the word celebration, and his fists were squeezed so tightly by his sides they were beginning to lose feeling.

“No, we don’t celebrate when we win matches. It is expected of us to do so.”

“Oh, _shut up._ Get out.” Oikawa couldn’t breathe. His vision went slightly blurry, he could just about make out Ushiwaka’s face and hear him tell Oikawa to do something. Was it to sit down? It must have been, because now Ushijima’s hands were on his shoulders, guiding him towards the nearest bench.

“If you need reassurance of your skill, I’d be happy to tell you that I see you as a very capable setter-”

“I know I’m good, _jackass_ ,” Oikawa bit, but he broke into sobs again at how pathetic he probably looked. Never in his life would he imagine he’d be sitting in Shiratorizawa’s third locker room shaking as his biggest rival ran his palm up and down his back as he repeated “It’s okay, you were amazing, I promise, I wouldn’t lie to you.” in an attempt to soothe him. Never in his life will Oikawa Tooru admit it was working. 

There’s something beautiful about showing your worst enemy the ugliest side of you. Ushijima didn’t look like he planned to plot Oikawa’s downfall through exposing this side of him to the media. He looked concerned, as if he were caring for a friend. The words he said to console Oikawa sounded like they came from a place of worry, but also of deep respect. Somehow, Oikawa knew he was being 100% sincere.

The sobs started to slow down, and his breathing evened out. Oikawa stood up and out of Ushijima’s arms, going to collect his bags and leave the room when he felt a hand on his wrist, beckoning for him to stay. He turned around only to come face to face with Ushiwaka and- was he blushing? It was hard to tell. He looked like he wanted to say something. Oikawa wanted to save himself from the embarrassment that is the situation he was in, and he wanted to properly ignore the feeling in his stomach right now. To do that, Oikawa decided it would be best if he ended this encounter and left promptly.

“Thanks for that, Ushiwaka. I’ll go now. Don’t you dare tell anyone about what you saw here-”

“Can I kiss you?” Ushijima was suddenly so near and Oikawa’s mind was screaming “Not near enough”, and he didn’t even want to begin to think about what that could possibly mean but he felt himself nodding and suddenly Ushiwaka’s lips were on his and his hands were in his hair and he really couldn’t think of much else right at that moment.

They pulled apart a while later, breathless and dishevelled, and Ushijima was the first to break the silence with a little cough.

“Oikawa-san—”

“Ushiwaka after what happened you should just call me Tooru,” Oikawa sighed, fixing the collar on his jacket. He looked back at the taller boy, urging him to continue.

“Tooru, could I take you out for a coffee some time? I know a place.”

“Yeah, I guess you could.”

They exchanged numbers and before he knew it Oikawa was back at the Seijoh bus feeling as if his insides had just been thrown into a blender. He put on a smile for his teammates and apologised for being late, before they all got onto the bus. He sat alone near the front, letting his thoughts run free for just a while.

_(What the fuck just happened?)_

**Author's Note:**

> hiii I'm pretty sure it's my first time writing ushioi and I actually love them sm <33 Go check out my other stuff or yell at me on twitter (@ilytooru)!!! byeee


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